Hey Dad,

It's been a minute since we last spoke. (Of course, my humor would lead this catharsis.) Since then I've aged gracefully or at least I'd like to think so, despite several missteps and mishaps. Joe is now a high school graduate, the world is in the middle of a pandemic and cell phones can do more than you'd ever imagine. Life has knocked me down in several aspects and at the same time I've never felt more alive and capable. I know I've screamed at you while praying because I never seemed to hear you or feel you. My whole life I was told that when someone dies they are still here. But I truthfully came to believe that this was some ill-fitted, convoluted, sugar coated tale with which they washed our brains at a funeral to make us feel better, complacent, even comfortable with the most devastating truth that can never be ignored.

But I see now you've always been with me, right by my side guiding me to exactly the point I stand on now. And let me tell you this point in my life, although from the outside looking in it may seem dim and dismal, quite possibly may be the most exciting, loving and beautiful moment I've experienced. Growing up I was certainly daddy's little girl and truly always will be. And how I wish you were here to meet the person who has surprisingly changed the way I see the world.

Having Joe was first and foremost the best thing I've ever done in my life. And truth be told I suppose I resigned myself to believe that being a mom was all I was meant to be. And don't get me wrong, that's a fantastic creature to be. But all of a sudden I may actually be more than that. There's someone who has made my days brighter, my life sweeter and my soul happier. The best part is that I know you'd love him. The worst part is you'll never get to meet him.

I know you'd love him unequivocally. He's exactly who you, my mom and Arturo would want for me. He reminds me a lot of you in so many ways that it's almost as if you made sure I got to that exact point where I'd meet him (again). He's kind, and sweet, forgiving and caring, strong and supportive, exciting and calming, and best of all, he makes me smile that smile you always loved. I'm not quite sure I've felt this in my life. And I'm crushed that you can't share this with me.

He knows what I'm thinking before I can even collect my multiple adjectives in a row, he looks at me with eyes that drink me up, he likes that I'm smart, and most of all he makes me feel special, something no one has ever done before. I've never felt more myself with anyone, he wraps me in warm hugs and feelings of belonging. He feels like home and I love it. They say when you know that you know. And I know. I've never been more sure of anything in my life. The mere thought of him makes me feel things I can’t even put into words. He makes my world stand still.

The wildest part of this whole story is that you've known him since we were little. I hope you can see how happy I am now. He's changed my perspective on so many things and its absolutely wonderful. And I can't imagine my life without him. He’s truly perfect and I know that somehow you sent him to me at the exact right moment.